Insidious Strikes Again

 

sad-woman abuse depression blog dark

Things were going smooth. I was happy, learning going places with my daughter on day trips and more. I did not see My very dangerous covert Narcissus husband was simmering. I have learned to deal with him. And because I am separated from him I have gained so much of my life back. 2 weeks ago we took an overnight trip-my adult daughter and I. We did not tell him because he will sabotage. My daughter did call him after we got a motel. I did not think or recognize, but tiny subtle insidious maneuvers from this man who caused chronic PTSD in me. So he started hoovering. Calling and messing up my goals for the day. Showing up with any excuse and playing my kids to divide us.  Taking away promises as he has done for years. I am surprised I survived. Yesterday he was so mad I was happy and he was mocking my daughter with insidious cruel “Jokes” which made her uncomfortable. She laughs to cover not liking it. I asked him to leave and he triggered my issues by saying things to punish me. Not straightforward though; It is emotional abuse. Just digs to my daughter like he will not help me with things he promises in his passive aggressive insidious way which had been hidden for maybe 4 months. When he left I was so panicked and traumatized that I could not concentrate on anything. My mind was gone and today my heart is full of the fear-which if you never had it, you cannot imagine how you feel when you think the fear will kill you and not because you fear a heart attack, but actually die from how bad the fear is they have projected. It is never physical. I was scared to listen to music, watch movies today; I am having a hard time even doing this and other computer things today. But I thought I would get it out on here for therapy. I regret letting him destroy me and my kids as long as he did, and I never knew why he acted the way he did until I lost my mind. But we have kids and he is still pitting them against me and wanting to kill me slowly piece by piece after he can only stand being “nice and cooperative for so long” The trip set him off this time even though it is only me that figured it out. Even though I feel like I will die of fear from his despising of me and tearing me up to punish me for making himself and his empty shell of no love and hatred despise me for being too happy and not letting him control me.    Thank you for sticking with me. Learn more about what fear can do: Not often, but it can happen.

Extreme Fear Can Kill You

Advertisements