Insidious Strikes Again
Things were going smooth. I was happy, learning going places with my daughter on day trips and more. I did not see My very dangerous covert Narcissus husband was simmering. I have learned to deal with him. And because I am separated from him I have gained so much of my life back. 2 weeks ago we took an overnight trip-my adult daughter and I. We did not tell him because he will sabotage. My daughter did call him after we got a motel. I did not think or recognize, but tiny subtle insidious maneuvers from this man who caused chronic PTSD in me. So he started hoovering. Calling and messing up my goals for the day. Showing up with any excuse and playing my kids to divide us. Taking away promises as he has done for years. I am surprised I survived. Yesterday he was so mad I was happy and he was mocking my daughter with insidious cruel “Jokes” which made her uncomfortable. She laughs to cover not liking it. I asked him to leave and he triggered my issues by saying things to punish me. Not straightforward though; It is emotional abuse. Just digs to my daughter like he will not help me with things he promises in his passive aggressive insidious way which had been hidden for maybe 4 months. When he left I was so panicked and traumatized that I could not concentrate on anything. My mind was gone and today my heart is full of the fear-which if you never had it, you cannot imagine how you feel when you think the fear will kill you and not because you fear a heart attack, but actually die from how bad the fear is they have projected. It is never physical. I was scared to listen to music, watch movies today; I am having a hard time even doing this and other computer things today. But I thought I would get it out on here for therapy. I regret letting him destroy me and my kids as long as he did, and I never knew why he acted the way he did until I lost my mind. But we have kids and he is still pitting them against me and wanting to kill me slowly piece by piece after he can only stand being “nice and cooperative for so long” The trip set him off this time even though it is only me that figured it out. Even though I feel like I will die of fear from his despising of me and tearing me up to punish me for making himself and his empty shell of no love and hatred despise me for being too happy and not letting him control me. Thank you for sticking with me. Learn more about what fear can do: Not often, but it can happen.
Shauna, 
Blue Ribbon F 
Rupali 6:04 am on July 20, 2017 Permalink |
I feel sorry for you but I am glad you share and spoke about it. In my own experience I think you would feel better. Take care.
blueribbonfair 12:45 am on July 25, 2017 Permalink |
Helped to get it out yes, thank you.
kkessler833 2:56 pm on July 20, 2017 Permalink |
How awful! I hope you will be able to manage in spite of the difficulties this man gives you.
blueribbonfair 12:42 am on July 25, 2017 Permalink |
Thank you for the kind words.
kkessler833 12:50 am on July 25, 2017 Permalink
You are welcome!
Christy B 9:12 pm on July 20, 2017 Permalink |
Do not give up control to him… being fearful gives him control.. therapy may help you find coping mechanisms.. I was in therapy… hugs xx
blueribbonfair 10:51 pm on July 22, 2017 Permalink |
Yes, I am in therapy. Thanks for caring.
Christy B 6:47 pm on July 23, 2017 Permalink
❤
da-AL 2:02 am on July 23, 2017 Permalink |
many thanks for your honesty – we can all relate – so glad you’re working it out
blueribbonfair 4:47 pm on July 27, 2017 Permalink |
Thank you. Yes we are not alone even though you feel like it at times. Sad it is still going on for 2 many people.
da-AL 10:58 pm on July 27, 2017 Permalink
I think if people talked about more, would help …
blueribbonfair 5:54 pm on July 28, 2017 Permalink
Yes, secrecy is why it continues.
Holistic Wayfarer 5:21 pm on July 23, 2017 Permalink |
So good you’re in therapy. This is serious, to say the least. This will probably facilitate the therapy, if you’re not familiar: The Tapping Solution for Pain Relief by Nick Ortner. It’s for all issues, incl emotional and psychological. I got mine from the library.
Xxxxxxx
D.
blueribbonfair 11:42 pm on July 24, 2017 Permalink |
Thank you. My daughter used the tapping stuff.
Artist Inese Poga 5:20 pm on July 28, 2017 Permalink |
We live to be stronger than fear. I’ve been through so many terrible things, but have learnt avoiding and excluding disturbing anxiety attacks in the most natural way: doing art. I just literally put myself to paper and canvas when crying or being totally off and get immersed in painting until I have forgotten what was the cause of the terrible stuff. I’m writing about my struggles in my other blog https://inesepogalifeschool.com/
blueribbonfair 5:53 pm on July 28, 2017 Permalink |
Thank you. I learned a lot through this attack so there was a silver lining this time. I never could see through him like I am doing now and see exactly the cycle as it progresses to trying to get me to fight back. He has ben nigh perfect love bombing me after silent treatmentfor a couple day. Today he said a cutting thing to tear my heart. I knew exctly what he was doing and he is headed to the angry jerk and today his wanting to chip me down was used subtly. I never could recognize the small pieces he uses on me standing out like this. I ignored him and came home pumping my fist in the air because he did not get me emotionally. Thanks for your encouragement and ideas.
Ipuna Black 5:24 pm on August 26, 2017 Permalink |
What gorgeous pictures! I’m a sucker for waterfalls.
Albatz Travel Adventures 12:18 am on August 27, 2017 Permalink |
I have a very good friend who is also going through PTSD from an abusive ex-husband – I’m not much for understanding the psychology of this but one of the things I’ve been trying to do is get her and her daughter out and about, to replace the bad times with good times. And I let her rant when she has to – hopefully it all helps.
blueribbonfair 8:08 pm on August 28, 2017 Permalink |
Thank you for taking the time to let me know I am not alone and supporting your friend.
NikeChillemi 4:54 pm on September 2, 2017 Permalink |
The title intrigued me. My husband’s family is insane and a few other family members are toxic. Litterally, it killed my husband way too young. I burried him last December. He kept trying to show them what a normal peaceful life was and they used it against him. I would suggest, since your daughter is an adult, that you make plans again, say for a weekend, and NOT tell your husband anything. Turn your phones off for the weekend. Get some rest and relaxation together.
blueribbonfair 12:01 am on September 13, 2017 Permalink |
She lives with him so he knows she is gone unfortunately. The way he abused us when she was a kid really set her back. Her first job was at 24. He spoiled her when she was little and turned abusive with her about 12-13 when she no longer was a little perfect princess. She is working on getting her first place soon. Thanks Nike.
Shauna 5:34 am on September 19, 2017 Permalink |
*hugs*
blueribbonfair 8:45 pm on September 25, 2017 Permalink |
Thank you Shauna.