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  • blueribbonfair 1:03 am on July 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , covert abuse, domestic violence, emotional abuse, fear, insidious, , PTSD, scared to death, spiritual abuse, verbal abuse   

    Insidious Strikes Again 


    sad-woman abuse depression blog dark

    Things were going smooth. I was happy, learning going places with my daughter on day trips and more. I did not see My very dangerous covert Narcissus husband was simmering. I have learned to deal with him. And because I am separated from him I have gained so much of my life back. 2 weeks ago we took an overnight trip-my adult daughter and I. We did not tell him because he will sabotage. My daughter did call him after we got a motel. I did not think or recognize, but tiny subtle insidious maneuvers from this man who caused chronic PTSD in me. So he started hoovering. Calling and messing up my goals for the day. Showing up with any excuse and playing my kids to divide us.  Taking away promises as he has done for years. I am surprised I survived. Yesterday he was so mad I was happy and he was mocking my daughter with insidious cruel “Jokes” which made her uncomfortable. She laughs to cover not liking it. I asked him to leave and he triggered my issues by saying things to punish me. Not straightforward though; It is emotional abuse. Just digs to my daughter like he will not help me with things he promises in his passive aggressive insidious way which had been hidden for maybe 4 months. When he left I was so panicked and traumatized that I could not concentrate on anything. My mind was gone and today my heart is full of the fear-which if you never had it, you cannot imagine how you feel when you think the fear will kill you and not because you fear a heart attack, but actually die from how bad the fear is they have projected. It is never physical. I was scared to listen to music, watch movies today; I am having a hard time even doing this and other computer things today. But I thought I would get it out on here for therapy. I regret letting him destroy me and my kids as long as he did, and I never knew why he acted the way he did until I lost my mind. But we have kids and he is still pitting them against me and wanting to kill me slowly piece by piece after he can only stand being “nice and cooperative for so long” The trip set him off this time even though it is only me that figured it out. Even though I feel like I will die of fear from his despising of me and tearing me up to punish me for making himself and his empty shell of no love and hatred despise me for being too happy and not letting him control me.    Thank you for sticking with me. Learn more about what fear can do: Not often, but it can happen.

    Extreme Fear Can Kill You

    • Rupali 6:04 am on July 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I feel sorry for you but I am glad you share and spoke about it. In my own experience I think you would feel better. Take care.

    • kkessler833 2:56 pm on July 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      How awful! I hope you will be able to manage in spite of the difficulties this man gives you.

    • Christy B 9:12 pm on July 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Do not give up control to him… being fearful gives him control.. therapy may help you find coping mechanisms.. I was in therapy… hugs xx

    • da-AL 2:02 am on July 23, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      many thanks for your honesty – we can all relate – so glad you’re working it out

      • blueribbonfair 4:47 pm on July 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you. Yes we are not alone even though you feel like it at times. Sad it is still going on for 2 many people.

    • Holistic Wayfarer 5:21 pm on July 23, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      So good you’re in therapy. This is serious, to say the least. This will probably facilitate the therapy, if you’re not familiar: The Tapping Solution for Pain Relief by Nick Ortner. It’s for all issues, incl emotional and psychological. I got mine from the library.


    • Artist Inese Poga 5:20 pm on July 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      We live to be stronger than fear. I’ve been through so many terrible things, but have learnt avoiding and excluding disturbing anxiety attacks in the most natural way: doing art. I just literally put myself to paper and canvas when crying or being totally off and get immersed in painting until I have forgotten what was the cause of the terrible stuff. I’m writing about my struggles in my other blog https://inesepogalifeschool.com/

      • blueribbonfair 5:53 pm on July 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you. I learned a lot through this attack so there was a silver lining this time. I never could see through him like I am doing now and see exactly the cycle as it progresses to trying to get me to fight back. He has ben nigh perfect love bombing me after silent treatmentfor a couple day. Today he said a cutting thing to tear my heart. I knew exctly what he was doing and he is headed to the angry jerk and today his wanting to chip me down was used subtly. I never could recognize the small pieces he uses on me standing out like this. I ignored him and came home pumping my fist in the air because he did not get me emotionally. Thanks for your encouragement and ideas.

    • Ipuna Black 5:24 pm on August 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      What gorgeous pictures! I’m a sucker for waterfalls.

    • Albatz Travel Adventures 12:18 am on August 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I have a very good friend who is also going through PTSD from an abusive ex-husband – I’m not much for understanding the psychology of this but one of the things I’ve been trying to do is get her and her daughter out and about, to replace the bad times with good times. And I let her rant when she has to – hopefully it all helps.

      • blueribbonfair 8:08 pm on August 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you for taking the time to let me know I am not alone and supporting your friend.

    • NikeChillemi 4:54 pm on September 2, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      The title intrigued me. My husband’s family is insane and a few other family members are toxic. Litterally, it killed my husband way too young. I burried him last December. He kept trying to show them what a normal peaceful life was and they used it against him. I would suggest, since your daughter is an adult, that you make plans again, say for a weekend, and NOT tell your husband anything. Turn your phones off for the weekend. Get some rest and relaxation together.

      • blueribbonfair 12:01 am on September 13, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        She lives with him so he knows she is gone unfortunately. The way he abused us when she was a kid really set her back. Her first job was at 24. He spoiled her when she was little and turned abusive with her about 12-13 when she no longer was a little perfect princess. She is working on getting her first place soon. Thanks Nike.

    • Shauna 5:34 am on September 19, 2017 Permalink | Reply


  • blueribbonfair 7:02 pm on September 10, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: abuse and relationship to depression, abusive relationships, , chasing destino, , domestic violence, , , , neglect   

    #whyistayed #whyileft-Found on another blog-My Melancholia 

    #whyistayed #whyileft.  This author says the reason for staying with an abuser so well, I am borrowing it here.

    I added a bit to the title and hope she will not mind. I give her all the credit. Please stop & visit  her blog. It is very honest and heartfelt.

    I am sharing this for several reasons:

    1. It is good to know you are not alone in such circumstances whether still there or having left.
    2. It may be the incentive and encouragement you need either way to get out or keep on. ( I know I have wanted to give in and even give up after I finally did get out.)
    3. I want to enlighten some folks that ” just have never been there and flippantly say -hurt-fully -even  in meaning well-“Why didn’t she just leave?”  This lead me to :
    4. This is about the 8th time I have left. It is the 2nd time I finally was able to get more than just a room at a shelter. I am finally ready to really “make it work” this time.  It is so hard to get help. It took me 10 months to get a small apartment. I was at a shelter and was told to leave for 6 months;I had to live for 3 more months with the abuser and I am so thankful the place opened up since I almost wanted to just live in my car when I tried to call and get back into the shelter and they would not let me. This was not because of anything wrong I had done, but because I was too costly with my meds. I could not work because I was trying to get disability and my meds were $200 a month. I tried to get Medicaid, but Missouri is a bad place to do that and they messed with me. I am now waiting on them where I am for it again.
    5. I also am sharing this because I wish to let you a bit more in on my life. I struggle with mental stuff. I am a very strong person, but depression from bipolar is a fight I have about 60% of days. I can also have extreme anxiety and just a little wrong thing happening on days I have either can make me want to roll up and hide in a cocoon for hours. I am strong because I really never do this. do not be down o yourself if you do do that. (We all have different temperaments and strengths.)
    6. I said #5 above to lead into # 6 : I really believe that if I had been married to a real gentlemen with a give and take relationship. More as a team and having mercy, grace and love for each others nuances and interests with working together, my mental stuff would have been very minor compared to how it developed with a furious and angry man I lived under.

    Now, you may not know what I am really talking about if you do not read her post also.  http://chasingdestino.com/2014/09/10/whyistayed-whyileft/ So here is the link again.

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